lovey-dovey bullshit. or is it something more elegant?

okay.. i'm getting straight into the topic.

why do we feel till it burns us,why do we feel till it eats us alive? cos we are able to love? perhaps. the destination is always bittersweet,the journey is wat counts. it also matters how u love the person too. i was very childish with the last one dunno bout u guys though. X) i grown after she tot me lots anyway. tx for tat. her chapter is closed while i'm reopening a old chapter in my life. sweet.

without love i don't think we would be able to write good songs. i mean look at the beatles. good ol classics. X)

i'm blabbering to a stop. . . . now.


love the one u loved dearly and don't treat him/her like crap. seriously makes the other feel like shit.

growing up? bout obs actually.

so sorry ppl...i have been to the most marvellous camp ever. X)

well...it all started a week ago..i got my ass trundled onto a van and headed my way up to lumut.
the van was a lonely experience,with naught but my phone for company. i eventually stuck my face into the sofa between the girls to bug them. (remember them bashing me with pillows and fists) heh. got lost a lil lost and finally reached there late.

so i got off the van,clad in jeans...my comfy sneakers...and mysex drugs and rock&roll shirt.(remember hewson?) X). bag weighed a ton. wait let me correct tat. three tons. after shaking hands with everbody i brought my bag up the mountain tat was the steps to my dorm. 156 steps. die.


156. 156. steps. pure stairmaster exercise.

i'm just goin to get straight into the nite. hehe.
so everybody's gathered round the beds. real dark. somebody,i tink akram started with a ghost story. Horny pontianak. god a classic. X) soo started afterwards. but got scared the shit out by chong. haha. anyway afterwards we started talking bout stuff no1. sex. haha. i still remember akram sticking his head down to the beds and askin bout samantha. then i started bout the bangbus. 90% comedy 10% sex. heh. effing funny. guess this was the glue we needed to bond. lol. but i really did bonded well with arasoo tat nite. haha.


so we tried kayaking the next day...arasoo was so scared of jellyfishes he was seeing a shadow in every patch of water.(he did see one later though X) ) haha. i saw flying fish for the first time! haha. we praticed rafting and capsizing too. fiona was so eager to see ramaesh in the water she capsized too.(okay exeggerating)hahaha. alrite.... i think i stop here for tonite. this is just day two by the way. ;)

growing up? bout obs actually.

bali.

it was fun.haha. seriously i ain't joking.

hmmmm.....the first day we arrive... it was hot. X) really hot. haha. met with everybody. got into the tour bus, then went for tea. well actually beer, but tat's just me. saw some women skinny bathing in the river. tat's a first. nothing too spectacular for the rest of the day though, haha Xp

i can't remember anything from the second day. X) cept for...
we moved into a new hotel...damn thing didn't have a proper shower.

it looks nice though doesn't it?


the third day, haha, this was a nice day.
we went out to shop for a while during the afternoon,saw a shirt tat went 'harden the fuck up' heh. should have got tat shirt for bryan.

nite.

hardrock. cafe. god. it's fricking marvellous.



right wall.



left wall.

we went into the place round... 9 something? maybe can't remember. ordered the drinks
and waited for the music to start. somewhere around tat time, a white-asian couple came in. they were all over each other from start to end. so 'loving'. X) watching them make me realise though, love is a give and take,and it isn't wat i tot it was anymore,but so did a lot of other things too.anyway, getting back to the story, we
watched the band till midnight,then got round to some boogeing. tat was kinda fun and yet awkward at the same time. haha.



right before the band started.


the fourth day...hmmmmm nothing special. skip it. Xp haha.

fifth day,hmmmm tons of shopping. again. i don't need to buy clothes for a year anymore. nite time was chilling time. X) last nite after all..... ate,talked, went to
the hotel's pub for beer,billiards,darts. haha. we literally shot darts into the wall instead of the board.




started truth or dare a while later with a kitchen knife. courtesy of the bartender of cos. haha. i got my ass, and my hair kissed by 3 diff ppl in one nite. Xp at least i didn't had to eat the cueball. haha.

next day we all left at noon. i really tx god for this trip...it made me realise myself once more. oh ya. i'm heading to kl if i get the chance to. X) lim kok wing? hehe.

tunings.

just can't get my effing guitar into tune. eff word.

he's back

so i woke up this morning, had breakfast, yadda yadda usual stuff then i went for jamming with a old friend. haha. he's keeping my baby emily in good care. heh. tat's REALLY important for me. my first love. heh. heh.

went there. waited for an hour. saw subu come. used my phone to call the others. set up. listened to some audioslave. lepak. the guys came. typical stuff. saw mahesh and EMILY. god she's so shiny now. haha. fucking nice. jammed a while. metallica. lamb of god. chilled to get beer, coke and CHINESE TEA. guess it's to balance the beer. haha. mahesh picked the tab. love the guy. haha. downed a lil more beer and sat in a corner for a while. come on we were going to jam for 3 hours. 3 effing hours.

brendan. watched them play for a while. then i took the bass. IMPROVISATION for a while. haha. stood on the highest chair and kept playing. must look effing dumb. haha. brendan took my wah then i just left them while go chicken rice with mahesh and mgs. such a nice day.

EAT ME ALREADY!!!!!!

god stupid house stop playing with me and FUCKING EAT ME!!! christ. just eat me. just fucking eat me. heheheheheheheehehehehehehhehe.

sadistic.

hehe. i feel very sadistic. i tink my house is going to eat me soon...hehe. goin to shoot it with my shotgun if it tries. hehe. want to run away and live somewhere else but have no cash. hehe. i'm losing it. seriously. hehehe. my mind and heart's a hole with no fillings now. haha.

the flames.

stroking the barely there stubble on my face, i lounge in my chair in front of the pc again. just another day of the stupid hols. well,it does feel like it. today's memory of jamming feels so far away, it's as if im trying to bury everything and not remember again.perhaps. everything tat has went wrong has went wrong. guess zeke's right again, ''julian, ur always in trouble.''

troubles eh?
got a whole ton full of them. and i have no idea how to start unravelling the mess tat is my life. well,i still got to start somewhere don't i? goodbye babylon. wat would i give to give up. but i can't. at least my heart's not letting me. haha. well.....at least i'll be seeing a long lost friend on sat and i'll be leaving for a far place on next sat. hope the plane crashes and burn eh? heh. crash and burn. sounds good and painless. just like lost. but instead i'm dead and burned to hell instead of stranded on some stupid island with polar bears on it. hah. all the troubles start with me.i'm my own devil's confidant.no one else. just me, nyself running circles in my little head.


run run run run. bang. hit the wall.
blood flies everywhere.

hehe. blood.


i'm so bloody optimistic. the thoughts running through my head hurts me so much it makes me want to take a drink. god. guess just two weeks is enough to make u grow old eh? well it certainly did for me. god i really really need a drink.


there i'm babbling again. ah gods, haha.


EVERYBODY'S GONE,
IT LOOKS LIKE TEA FOR ONE AGAIN.
where were u.

itu kamu-estranged

try to look past the malay words and u see a nice song

mahesh.

he's my friend. and he has bought my old guitar. he's coming down next week. heh. lots and lots of old memories.

stay-disagree

well,it's a local band,
so check the song out if ur have the time.
tanx =) just press play.

I'm leaving on a chain alone she waits for me,
I live my life the way it's meant to be,
So if it rides alone my friend,
Then let all good things go to hate.

So please let my heart go,
Please let all things flow,
Look no further Ask no more dear,
You're the pride of my life.

Alone today she waits for me to stay in bed so I could be with,
The pride my life. but I feel like I should die in bed so I could say this,
Stay why don't you stay with me girl stay why must it be this way,
So please let my heart go,
please let all things flow,
Look no further ask no more dear,
You're the pride of my life.

tuesday

alrite,tuesday. hmmm did nothing till 11 something before going out with the guy's for some rounds of gaming. totally nailed butt. haha. anyway after took a cab back afterwards with kuku to my house,waited for nick and eu chuan and went to hop.

got in there,talked to the uncle for a while,then entered the room for jamming. god it really bloody stanked without the ac on. gah. anyway,got down to business and tried the
only song we learned. not bad. haha. well trying the killers next week. hopefully



we went for chicken rice afterwards.

monday again

woke up at six today, wished her luck for her exams, took a quick bath, then it was headed to school.

school was really empty, cept for some meetings or two, then i headed back earlier then usual. at ten. took a bath again. then took a nap straight after tat. had some lunch, pasta today, then it was playing the guitar all day long. everything really seems vaguely unreal. it feels cold.need somthing hot inside me to warm me up again. and i Have to go swimming later in this weather.

stoned.

today's schedule. crash at zeke's house. alrite. let's follow the schedule for once.

went there after lunch, eu chuan was there too, zeke, being the manager, started playing electronica music while eu chuan's giving yes's or no's. me? i was just getting aquainted with the floor. zeke's floor is like....the ultimate bed. couldn't get up nor matter how i try. zeke told me later tat i looked stoned today again. i know i look stoned. (it means dazed,sad,blurred,halfsmiling for those who doens't know) yea so what? it's not like i got high and stoned on drugs anyway.

to cut the long story short,i'm now home from his house and about to go to a stupid malay house in a while. guess i ought to go then.

good times again

testing the amp,simply twanging the guitars.

alrite.

ahem.

testing testing.

1 2 3 4.

alrite.

clicks somebody.

(tap tap tap tap)

Everywhere is all around
It looks just like its lots of fun again
Here I’m & there are you
It looks just like its tea for 2 again

& everybody knows
that we’re gonna have a good time again

Crazy people staring at the wall
& then you look at me & say
Here I’m & there are you
it looks just like its tea for 2 again

& everybody knows
that we’re gonna have a good time again

Look around & see it baby
I’m coming to get you
Look around & see it baby
I’m coming to get you
Everywhere is all around
It looks just like its lots of fun again
Here I’m & there are you
It looks just like its tea for 2 again

& everybody knows
that we’re gonna have a good time again.

i guess i would have died without music.
i love you.

we are goin to have a good time again.

(chucks the guitar down and walks off)

walk walk walk.

went for a walk on the newly tarred road outside. it looks bloody awesome.


envy my new road.

formed a new band.

just like wat the title said. i'm in a new band.

Tonch. jackson too.

well, today's deepavali. this is the first time i ever went to such a thing. to top it off, dave's mom asked us to bring our equipment. now tat was wicked.

so... i got there at round 12 something, kinda late,but still enough time for lunch. (the yoghurt was funkily awesome.) alrite, enough of food. so upstairs we went.

upstairs is a totally awesome place. it has a long alleyway which light was shining through. and tat was where we set up all the stuff.



well,as usual,dave got into his usual stuff and jackson borrowed my guitar to use. jackson using a jackson.anyway i was still feeling like shit at tat time so they just jammed a while with me just plucking away at the bass while thinking bout something else. but after a while, we returned guitars and started on some of the songs we used to jam some time ago. i guessed tat kinda did it for me. the melody,the light phasing through the windows,the mood of the song. it was the first time my mind was actually
off her for once. guess it was therapy for me.


jackson's telling me pecs are sissys. how true.

afterwards,while taking a rest,we just started talking. jackson's giving me advice,with stories while dave's playing away at the back.it was nice to hang out like tat. but anyway, i really got to tanx dave for asking me to his house. i really needed the distraction. jackson too. for the advice,making me a punching bag tat can only block,
for playing me sad and country songs while i read his novel on the couch. and for... guess everything.

i'm home now anyway,sipping some tea while typing away. guess i really need to get out of this place again. it's making me think again.

transitions.

i stil remember being addicted to jay chou during primary school,heck i even have the cds rotting away in the cupboard. during the early years it was all green day,blink, you know punk. but then i discovered grunge. dark sweaty and hatefull,guess it was the thing tat helped me through a period of life. then i discovered metal. with all the hell yeah, horn signs and good sweaty headbanging. best of all it made us feel good.

indie came up along,in the form of arctic monkeys,quite later, stil remember moshing to it with janer at church, haha. though i'm stil into all the above, cept for chou.

why can't we all just accept music as it is?

church camp.

church camp. soggingly fun. tat's where i met up with melvin, a guy from our school who
punched the teacher. i still remember how bloody hard it was trying to sms under the blankets while he was walking around enforcing the rules haha.

i remember how the room was divided, the front side's for the rock & roll lovers, and the other side's for the hip hoppers. i broke steve's car plate in the morning. by accident of cos.

the second day was fun. this was also the first time i saw martin so open with dirty jokes and stuff. but then... since he was educating us bout sex, tat's probably why. and tat's also why jourdan gave a ''Say Yes To Sex'' speech in front of the whole audience. all hands salute. but of cos he was just joking at martin's expense. heh.

inner healing session. guess this is the first time in the year when god actually managed to touch me. Tx you to yvonne ong for being the person for passing me the tissues. a lot of other people cried too.. i guess.

the games were fun. the people were fun. and most importantly of all it opened me up.
it didn't do much at that time, but now i'm starting to get it's meaning.