Lights swirl.

Scribbling down the notes along the static glow of the television with the headphones on,
completely oblivious to the world except for the one within the books opened around him.

he checks the phone for a message from a loved one but it stays silent,
nothing pronounced to him that he is more alone than ever at that moment.
nothing but him and work.

" Tears stream down your face for tonight, but the lights will still guide you home and ignite you. "

spark.

the swirl of the caffeine turns silently within the cup as he ponders quietly.

the trees whispers incessantly across their canopy, keeping him sleepy despite the coffee.

Pen twirls across the sheets filled with calculations, but all he's thinking about is just the trip home.

just another sixteen days.

" Just sixteen days. "

he sighs as he runs his fingers through his hair one last time before getting back to the work.

all work no play makes jack a dull boy.

but the work gets him home.

no play then.

Tired of sleeping.

Meds has a way of making,
making your eyes feel like they are dying to get out of your body,
ears into thinking they are mini copters longing to fly away.

Sickness has to kick in during the holiday week.
it's a horribly ironic issue.
now i just got to get on with the assignments again.

i don't need to keep the two feathers from the last semester.
fuck the feathers.
i'm going for homely dinghys.
All four of them.

Too bad Black Ops is coming out on sept 11.

not too good i guess.

You are a S.O.B behind the wheel my friend.

i drove into a cop car today but he just waved me on.
Guess that means i will be okay.
Listen to the sound of, birds whistling through a hail of lead.
Hold on to the dear thought of your figurine on a cross saving you,
because i don't think uncle sam would be equally kind to us.
The joy & misery of the fire flickering in your eyes is killing your lover.
He's already laid across the planks burning for you.
Yet you did not choose him nor he did you.
Oh he certainly did not.

All chances of recovery is gone for the dead for they cry silently.
Cry for the lost hopes of a child bouncing smiling on their laps with their tiny hearts against, against the very fabric of mankind.


All said & done,
Deep sea blues and too many watches,
we love your sigh like jesus loves his toast.
Bleed for your bleeding colours like it's pulmonary,
hang the dead man noose.
Hang him dry.

Blue pear.

After bouts of restlessness and tossing with a lil turning,
one person out of a hundred will slowly understand that,
nothing is ever perfect, and if they seemed to be at the start,
it's just a fool's hope, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

The pot that can never be found.

Some people smile at the sight of the children frolicking around the puddles of water by the gutter,
Others laugh quietly at the sight of loved ones smiling at the children.
It's a bittersweet smile though, one that never lasts.

Once upon an age, it was an easy task to be sure of oneself.
just the mandatory tales of Blood and tears upon the falling burning hanging body.
Now it's hard. it's just so hard to do so.

People never had time for romantics & dreamers.
it's out of a logical need but we don't have the need to diss it too.
Superficial beauty takes away the breath of the public and the rest just weep.
weep, with the sorrow of knowing the lost.


it's an error to feel.
to feel too much and to understand it so.
To watch it burn in front of you but yet,
letting it burn away instead of keeping it to yourself is better for it.
so let it burn.
let everything burn.
let it all burn.

moth

i was a king,
but i'm just the same,
putting my hands over the flame,
i love the heat and the strings that tied me off,
but the flaming just burns so hot.

all along,
fiddling through all by myself,
he's celebrated but i'm disturbed,
it's never a curse,

my love affair with everywhere was innocent,
why do we bother,
time to start the car and go,
to where you are.



All said and done, it's just 10 days to go.
time for the pick up and the last beer for the road.



oh.. you are the best i know love.
the best.
seeing you there so unaware.
but yet we will be together soon.
we will.

the little things in life

are best enjoyed through slow-motion.
what can be better on a lazy saturday than,
waking up,
baking up,
grab a bun and head down to the field to watch football.


talk about live entertainment.
sitting like a hermit in a black hoodie,
while watching the players screaming injury every five minutes is pretty funny.

there are some men who just want to see the world burn.
but the world has been burning for a long time.
and.. yet, it's still here.
i guess that's the bloody beauty of it.
oh burn world burn,
then just stop drop and roll,
oh yea.

you got a death wish, Johnny?

not that i know any johnnies or john anyway.
i wouldn't mind knowing a few though.
nowadays the sun is hot on the hotside and yet the wind is super chilly.
talk about god being indecisive.

everyday would be a cyclic process.
get up, shiver, fumble for the heater.
walk walk walk away for class.



somehow this feels so much better than high school.
the classes i mean.
other parts.... nah.


personal times is usually spent between the keyboard, fretboard and bottle.
not to mention grocery shopping.
it is therapeutic.
especially with mushrooms.


one for each month eh?
at least it's cheaper over here.




and... i can never leave out the fun box too.



39 days left.

the yearning

for a lover's hand.
for the touch of her palm firmly pressed against yours.
for the quiet smile on her face when her hands in yours.
for her.

when all the confusion starts to spread,
and the pictures in my head blurs away,
you are the one that stays clear.
crystal clear my love.

i know it's been a long hard wait,
it ain't fair to make anyone wait like this,
but you have stood with me all the way,
all the way from the first glimpse of the stairs.
thank you.

just 42 days more. =)

shh. =)

well,
it's approximate 20 hours 34 mins since the incident,
but, i'm still going to celebrate it anyway. =)

yep,
it's the birthday of a special person.
a person who is able to lit a smile in me no matter what's going on.
a person who is beautiful way beyond any comparison,
and yet she doesn't believe me.
nope she still doesn't. =)

people say that,
the myth of that one love which is sustaining always is not true.
but yet i disagree.
for i found mine a year and 8 months ago. =)

happy birthday joyce. =)
the light of my life.
just 53 days more dear.
till i'm back with you.

i love you. =)

same old concrete. same old trigger.

run,
like a steam down a mountainside,
with the wind in my back.
staring at the loss of souls behind,
living without a home.

of the mind of putting your burden down,
we have done it before,
we could definitely do it again.
but now all is gone.
all that matters is gone from the second that,
the second you pulled the trigger.

looking for the cause is pointless.
because you only need a mirror to do so.

nobody can tell us why people go insane,
why people choose to live alone.
but i certainly as hell would never choose to live alone.
for to live alone would be to be without you.
and i can't do that.
not me.


shapes of every size is moving behind your eyes,
smile because you are blinking the blood away,
oh shadow of the sun.

junkie wunkie woo.

My friend,
i'm oh so depressed,
I feel the question of the loneliness.
the quietness of the night wind, silenced by the cold,
cause it's hard when you don't know yourself.

hammering away on this keyboard isn't a shallow pursuit,
to the riches of vain fame with the hi and byes of momentary warmth.
it's an expression. a quiet one of the mind and the thoughts,
often not unspoken but always there,
by the tip of the lips.

it's hard to understand, but the average jul does understand,
despite the fact that of a foreign land and riches to be gain,
it just can't compare with the memories of a sun drenched and humid place.
a place of simple pleasures and a quick trip for a burger and some mental fun.
a distress signal so obviously blaring within the head is not easily ignored,
when you are standing on the balcony watching the pale faces play,
so undeservedly happy, with the cold wisps of the air tugging the hair everywhere.
oh no sir.
it's not easy at all.

2 more months eh?

Don't you know,
It's a love that lasts forever,
It's a love that has no past.
Ooh she digs me,
but I guess nobody ever really done that.
ooh but she did. she certainly did.
my warmth, my loverbird. =)

quiet poppies

You've got this new head filled up with smoke,
he lost that glow he used to have in his face,
empty burned bottle on the carpet,
everyone's lying beside it.
hold your tongue with your teeth.


a quiet easter is my easter for the past two weeks.
it would have been worse though,
if not for a certain joyce to chat to under the sheets,
to chat the night away. =)

gone are all the days of zooming around in a tacky silver car,
a hand on the wheel the other typing away on the phone.
gone are the days of heading to the shops and sitting down,
shooting a few guys while arranging some other poor souls to be dead by chaos.
and yet, it'll be back in 2 months.
it feels a bit like christmas. hehe.

from one small town to another,
albeit one that much is safer from the lack of cheap scooters,
and a lack of education for two generations of dopeheads and wraparounds.
you will never wake up to the sound of,
the ambulance screaming down ur lane at 3am back home though.
poor girl but it was her fault for drinking so much,
till the point of the rearrangement of the paint on the walls with bio paint made from dinner.

st patrick's day.
the night they painted my floor a living green with beer.
laugh out loud with a certain shake of the head will be proper i guess.
i guess.


oh ya.
nicholas cage is a batman wannabe.
kick ass.
hehe.


But it was cold, it was getting late
Sadly, she crept back into bed
But then she felt a soft kiss on her cheek
she opened her eyes.
smile my love. C=

Time.

"Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass. Through each moment I can see infinite moments lined up, waiting. Why has he gone where I cannot follow?"
-Clare

Love, Joyce.

on a friday morning.

is to wake up to the sound of the alarm going off.
god knows how long it has been ringing. it's already bright out
under the curtain. slips oneself out from the bed. take a drink
from the bottle from last night. wrinkle nose at the taste of stale water.
get bathed. go get groceries. come back. sit down on the balcony.

they say perth is the city of good ol' rock & roll.
i didn't see any evidence of that except for a statue of bon scott in freemantle.
entertainment comes in odd forms.
mine came in the form of a left 4 dead recording on seow wei xun's blog.
it may be no land of the dead but it's pretty nice actually. =) haha.
here's the link : http://thedancingturtle.blogspot.com/
the video's the first one that pops out under reflection.
it's hard to miss it.


happy is the man who sees a zombie horde on an empty field in broad daylight.
cursed is the man who hears shuffling feet scraping on the road
while he lies down with his eyes wide open.
an ironic smile rewards the soul of those who don't have the ability to enjoy those social fads.
because you are the ones who can think twice.
so think. that is her only advice.
ha. ha. ha. bless your soul slackerlove.
don't be the one bleeding on the floor after the lights go on.

alright.
back to work.

indoor living

the sense of anticipation has a knack of setting you up,
for disappointment but not for enjoyment.

day 23 i think?
grocery shopping. check.
drinks. check.
books. check.
kingsurf. no check.

pah.
the most essential of all is not here.
young folks with their young games fool the old,
old folks with their old tea frustrate the young.
the ones in the middle are the sandwich.

sundays are pretty dead in the morning. wait.
all mornings are pretty dead. the first time you ever
need a hoodie for the night is the fact that the weather will chill your toenails.

things i wish they had in perth :
cheap food.
24 hours food.
more asians. aha. ha. ha,
nearby cyber cafe.


I want to see all of the things that we've already seen,
The lairy girls looking quite full on in bunny ears and devil horns in hell,
And she won’t be surprised and she won't be shocked,
bear that in mind tonight,
Bear that in mind.
gods.

parody week : Fann Sharlinn.

lol. come on, ten lines of German and Finnish and i don't really understand myself? you are doing me a discredit girl. and.. don't worry this guy does understand himself pretty much clearly. and some do understand what those blogs are about. at least half the time.

i woke up smothered up in blankets and a pillow with the clock blinking away at 10 o'clock. the sunlight is so glaring by this time one would actually wish the sun didn't exist without thinking about all the economical and sociological effects it might have on farming and tan lines. Going through the dreary routine of washing up on a sunday isn't fun either with all the dull glances of other patrons of the laundromat while they wait for their own wash to be done whilst wishing desperately there isn't some pink underwear or sock left behind by an earlier customer to pinkenise your clothes that are supposed to last you for six frigging months before being picked up again.

macdonald's, or maccer's as the locals call it, isn't a bad thing once you are in this land of the desert and the sea. it might be the biggest imperial powers in the corporate world now, driving slaves at minimal wages that produces bland tasting crap that is a chicken burger and fries, but it is the only shitty outlet opened after the hours of six in down under perth. the native australians have some perverse abjection of working in the dark so we are all stuck with shoving a five dollar bill towards the pimpled face slave in yellow clothes just for a meal. don't even get me started about translating the fucking currency back home. 15 ringgit for two loaves of bread and a slab of meat that might not even be beef is bloody ridiculous.

there maybe a lot of yellow skinned and squint eyed people nesting up over here but mark my words the arborigines ain't displaced. you would agree with me when you see one squatting on top of the other in the middle of the street bashing his teeth in while the cars go by right past them. i guess the most shocking thing is that i'm the only person that was staring while the others walked along as if nothing happened. similiarly, the sight of the slight arborigine girl screaming at the kebab store for not giving her a free kebab before grabbing a chair to try and smash in the glass display before being dragged away by her fellow compatriots is disturbing. but perhaps that's what people are. take away all my money and belongings, reduce me to a hovel of grass and spit and perhaps i will tear your eyes out for your wallet too. i know i myself won't stop at just your eyes for your wallet.

the night here is a chill. there is not a soul about in the dark evening and those who are about are the privileged with their drinks and hooting and chasing around for mates to spend the night with. mark you they do sound pretty fun but sometimes you just can't drag oneself to such a thing. perhaps you but not me. this isn't the uni life i envisioned it to be. this definitely isn't american pie or gossip girls. there is no flashy cars or beautiful girls and guys who go down on you when you are all drunk together. there is just a student card with a dwindling wad of cash in your left hand while your right does nothing but just to rest itself against your lap in the quietness. it might just be me or it may be an asian thing but i don't know.

life isn't a pie. it is a long routine of reading and washing and eating and envying and enjoying and crying and hoping and despairing and contentment. it's up to you and me to pick which of those words to go with your path but i know which i will go with. i do not want to go through this with a smiley icon on my face without experiencing what other things there are. a good offense on life might just be the best thing to do. we hope.

fann is right.
she is really bloody hard to parody.
oh well.
time to end this with a :


cheers!

going away to university

yep, going away to university.
technically i'm here already.
mr julianut, in the city of perth, australia
studying in the curtin university of technology,
for three years.



bloody sunny during the day,
awfully cold in the night.


the only reason i couldn't blog or do anything proper
is because i had really low cap on mb usage for the internet.

anyway, this is my room and floor.




and... subs, a lil something for you my man.
hehe.
the kids actually let me join in.


so this is my aussie number,
0415739309
contact me if u want,
or if ur in excess of credit. =P


cause
people will say all kinds of thing
that dont mean a damn to me
cause all I see
is whats in front of me
and thats you.

28th of june my love. =)

the long awaited,

but certainly expected.
the ever needed.
my daily wake up call.
caffeine replacee.
personal cpr treatment.
my screensaver.
it roo companion.
fellow pumpkin soup adoree.
book reader.
voice in the earpiece.
jacket wearer.
hand warmer.
fellow homework doer.
my fluorescent light.
sole receiver for majority of texts from me.
cheese macaroni lover.
the one who looks beautiful no matter what she's in.

and..
practically everything else.

Miss Joyce. Toon. Li. Chien.
do i need to say more?
she's beautiful.
yes sirree.

=)


ily.
thanks for everything.

C=

yellow lotion

is an antiseptic lotion that has been applied to my neck pretty recently.
every single morning.
every single night.
i don't like being more yellow than usual though.

teeth bared under the facemask,
with it misting under the artificial lights.
gun's a swirl as people popped their head to be shot at,
and when you get shot by your own team,
for taking down the very people about to shoot them.
it's still okay.

what's not okay is when a girl pops up from a barrel,
and nails me in the neck.

that's indoor paintball.
and now.. i'm banned from it.
outdoors too.
oh well.

when the lights go out,
and sir pyscho sexy's cheery,

what would you do?